Breaking News: Trump, Syria, South Africa (satire)

Following is a breaking, satirical newscast:

Reporter: A. Jackson
Date: 4/14/18

In recent days a source from trustworthy CNN or trustworthy MSNBC revealed that a trustworthy source from the CIA claimed to have seen President Bashar al-Assad of Syria sneak into one of his towns with weapons of mass destruction. The source said he saw this masked man kill women and children with deadly gas. Though al-Assad was fully covered in a black turban the source was almost positive it had to be him. Pretty danged sure!

The report made its way into the hands of transgender-loving General James "Mad Dog" Mattis and newly appointed, National Security Advisor John Bolton. The two deep-state warmongers immediately ran to President Trump's desk with the horrific news.

"By God," Trump said, "we're going to show this al-Assad what we think of him killing innocent women and children." "We're going to kill us some of our own women and children with missiles and artillery as a lesson to that evil dictator." "We'll bomb the hell out of his country based on the same evidence presented to Bush Jr. back in the Iraq days." "We simply can't put up with weapons of mass destruction." The President spoke with deep and sincere passion as warmongering, deep-staters Mattis and Bolton wrung their hands and salivated all over themselves. "Not only will we do plenty of our own killing we'll take al-Assad out of power and appoint a puppet leader of our own" Trump promised. "Then, as a reward for our good deed, we'll set up camp and start pumping Syrian oil to help bolster our petro-dollar." Trump said. "We'll also set up some military bases to better prepare ourselves for the next trumped-up war. Probably with Iran." Trump quipped.

Meanwhile, as the black South African government heads towards the white South African farmlands to steal their land and massacre their men, women and children, the crickets chirp and the Western governments sleep in peaceful slumber. Not enough oil in that region to make war worthwhile.

Oh ... and let's ignore the way Communist China treats its population. I mean ... the leader of that dictatorship is "highly respected" by Trump. Don't want to cause any waves there.

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Breaking News: Trump, Syria, South Africa (satire)