Getting Back Into Prepping

I did it-- I just gave up. Quit even trying. Between the mockery and deliberate OPSEC destruction from MIL, the lack of faith in my own judgment, lack of anywhere "acceptable" to store things, the knowledge that I'd either have to shoot my neighbors if S really did HTF in a big way or they'd just kill us and take everything anyway, and the lack of time and energy to dedicate to anything other than running in suburban-soccer-mom-survival-mode, I haven't done ANYTHING in almost two years.

I didn't even put in a garden last year. The year before that was a total failure. This year wasn't much better.

I NEED to start again. Even my husband (who used to be the biggest adversary of the idea, then only tolerated it because he saw it as a reasonably non-destructive coping mechanism for PTSD) is now actively encouraging me to prep.

I WANT to start again. The need and desire to do it is, like, hardwired in my brain or upbringing somewhere. And, yeah, I believe it's all falling apart faster now.

I have a couple of problems I'm hoping y'all can help me solve. Three major hurdles to overcome, that I can think of off the top of my head:

1) Mother-in-law. I'm sorry, but she's a textbook sheeple. I'd think she was a composite, if she wasn't right in front of me. She publicly mocks me, constantly harasses me about prepping being a mental illness, tells me how I'm harming my family, intentionally blows OPSEC just so she can mock me in front of guests. If I didn't have a moral obligation to take care of her (and love other aspects of her personality, and care about my husband's and kids' feelings), I would almost enjoy leaving her out of our plans and watching her die in a grid-down world.

And she lives in an apartment attached to our house six months out of the year. Has NO sense of boundaries. And will be spending more and more time here, ultimately moving in full-time, as her health and finances deteriorate (unless she finds some man to take care of her-- maybe I'll send her a link to OurTime!!). I'd almost turn her out if she had anywhere to go, but she's alienated all the other kids and can't manage her finances without our help. Nobody else is going to put up with her crap, figuratively or eventually literally, and I can't meet my own eyes in the mirror if I turn my back on her.

So I basically need a way to keep everything but the garden entirely out of her sight (can't hide a garden). Stashing supplies under beds and in the back of closets won't work-- I've tried. She gets in a mood and goes looking for dust and too-full closets, and here we go again. Both to protect OPSEC and to protect my sanity, most of what I do needs to be OUT OF THE HOUSE.

ETA: My original plans were to develop a bug-out location down south where my relatives are at. But I've "lost" so many relatives and neighbors to heroin, suboxone, meth, and alcohol that at this point I don't even think it would be worth bugging out to there, never mind storing supplies in an unattended structure, no matter HOW tightly I lock it up. Once again, in any kind of WROL situation or even a situation where people are fighting over scarce resources, the first thing I'd probably have to do is kill or seriously injure someone just to keep going-- and this time we'd be talking someone I grew up with. I don't think I could bring myself to go to bullets or blows with Cousin Suzy or Cousin Joe or Little Bobby who I went through high school with, son of Bobby who worked in my dad's pit, son of Bob who used to have the garbage service when I lived at home. I just don't. No matter how many needle tracks they've got, or how many directions their eyes are spinning in, or whether they're trying to brain my kid with three feet of stolen pipe (and I KNOW I can't out-shoot any of those old boys-- either we're on the same side, or I'm screwed). So-- scratch that idea. MIGHT talk Hubby into developing a BOL somewhere else, maybe becoming " 'mup-heres" or something. MAYBE. He's starting to contemplate retirement property. But right now, he's thinking East Tennessee or Asheville or something like that. ENTIRELY too far from where were at.

2) Mindset. I've gotten so beat-down that I find myself thinking, "Screw it. Why plan to survive when I find myself praying to die in my sleep??" Well, for half a dozen reasons, that mindset needs to go. Not least among them-- I might not value MY OWN life, but I've still got kids at home. Somebody needs to make sure they're going to be fed and clothed and housed if this whole mess goes Venezuela (or worse). Anybody managed to drag themselves out of that??

3) Mindset II: Mental Capacity. Bluntly put, I don't have the brains I did ten years ago. I don't know if it's age, or burnout from spending too much energy in the wrong places, or depression, or brain damage from all the psych meds I've tried in an effort to "make myself normal," or if I'm just out of practice, but-- I literally can't think like I used to. I have a hard time calculating what I need to buy on a regular two-week grocery run. I have a hard time remembering to get the oil changed and the brakes done on my car. I need recipes for meals I've been making for 15 years now; I leave ingredients out of recipes pretty regular. I forget how to do things I used to know by heart-- last month, I put a new tire on my daughter's bicycle, and then forgot to tighten the wheel back down.

All this adds up to, I can't seem to get my mind to make lists of what to do and what to buy and what to learn and get it going on a systematic plan. Never mind actually sit down and think out WHAT KIND OF PLAN WE ACTUALLY NEED to prepare for our specific situation (specific threats, what's in the area, likely scenarios, you know the drill).

I can just throw money at "Get This Gear Today To Survive Tomorrow," but-- that never works. I knew that wasn't effective back when I was doing this right. I did a little bit of that a couple years ago-- now I'm having to throw broken and spoiled stuff away or get useless widgets out from underfoot. Even if it did work, without some kind of cohesive plan, "gathering up stuff" isn't being prepared. I remember that much anyway.

I still have all the books and printed material I used to teach myself before. But I can't, like, unscrew my head and repair my brain. I know a lot of you ladies are past menopause, or working with chronic fatigue or MS or multiple mental illnesses or other stuff that tends to give folks a case of the Galloping Duhs, so... wondered if you've got any tips??

The good news it, at least it now matters to my husband too. I can make use of HIS wonderful analytical engineer's brain and impressive intelligence. But I can't place all the burden of thinking on him, because, you know, he works sixty hours a week, and that's just too much.

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Getting Back Into Prepping