Short bit testing a new story style

A quick (and partial) re-write on another story – love to hear thoughts on the style.

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My bail out kit was less than impressive, USGI surplus pistol belt , holster , mag pouches and a butt pouch. I had a total of four spare magazines, three 30 round steel ar15 mags and one 17 round Glock magazine. With rounds already in my weapons I had 121 rounds of 64 grain .223 Winchester Power Points and 35 rounds of 9 mm Winchester Ranger ammo. Not exactly loaded for bear but it was better than harsh language.

Hey you! Yes you, in the back, the one bouncing up and down like a whack-a-mole on meth whaddaya want?

Well, yes it is an old Vietnam style suspenders harness, got a problem with that?

Why? Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m cheap, maybe I’m coming to out of this screen to pull out your nose hairs through your ears! May I continue? Thank you very little …

In my butt pack I had odds and ends, a tourniquet, caffeinated protein bars, air activated hand warmers, caffeinated drink sticks, a wicked sharp folding knife and a quarter roll of gorilla duct tape. I'd run around with his war belt, plain old Rock River AR15 and a Glock 17 in my trunk for years. Sometime it seemed silly but now I'm driving hell for leather towards my daughters school and whishing I had more.

Why am I driving towards the school? Keep your pants on and let me tell the story, seriously keep your pants on NOBODY needs to see that. It might be chow time somewhere.

In the rearview mirror a silver dodge pickup loomed large, then whipped around and passed, almost crashing in the process. Ron's truck with a Molon Aabe sticker in the window blew past me. We hit the edge of the Dukeville, Ron barely slowed. I could see Ron whip his truck into a parking lot and ahead cars were lined up in the street like a traffic jam. The town of Dukeville never had traffic jams, it didn't have enough cars for a real one.

Ron had pulled into hardware store parking lot so I followed. By time I got there Rod had jumped out and already had a plate carrier on. I didn't even know Ron had plate carrier. It had at least eight AR15 mags with the de'ringure mag pulls on them. Above the mags he had a chest holster with a huge 1911 style pistol. His AR was a rule beater short barrel rifle, an AR15 pistol with 10" barrel, Sig Brace stock and single point sling and a red dot optic. Basically the whole enchilada I felt inadequate, by comparison my full size Rock River looked like a Revolutionary War musket.

Ok Mr Meth Whack-a-mole does Ron's rig meet your approval? It does, well that’s just swell.

What about the rest of you? From the drool in the corner of your mouths I’ll take that as a yes and move on with my story.

We trotted to the school several blocks away. It was mostly moms in the cars. Most were frantically typing away or screaming into electronic devices. Ahead we could see the road was blocked with the Green and Gold 'Spirit Bus'. A few women were streaming the other direction, 'School is locked down you can't get in.' We'd have to see about that....

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Short bit testing a new story style