Help Me With Entitled, Whiny, 20 Something Customer

I have an on line retail website. We sell mostly to young males. Most of our customers are great. We provide a really good product at a fair price and they like what we sell and give us great reviews. We occasionally screw up somebody's order and we bend over backwards to make sure it's right. Our customers are almost always understanding and appreciative of our customer service. The vast majority of times we interact with a customer, it's a positive experience for both of us.

But...once in a while, we hear from an entitled, whiny, unreasonable kid who sees the world differently than I see it. I'm always polite and will be this time too. But, I want you to help me write the reply I wish I could send to the email below.

We sent a product to the customer. He notified us a week after he received it that he felt it had a problem. I think he's using it wrong and politely offered a suggestion by email. He replied that it still wasn't working so we offered to ship him a replacement - he could just keep the original. I suspect he'll have the same problem with the replacement because he's using it wrong and we'll end up doing a return and refund. But, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to provide good customer service.

Then, we get this email:

My original order was placed on July 15th. If the package arrives to me in 2 days via Priority mail it will be 18 days between time of purchase and receipt of the working product. I understand that this delay is not standard practice, however it still resulted in a very poor customer experience. What can be done to remedy this situation?

Thank you,
Andrew </span>

What can be done to remedy this situation? Frankly, nothing because we can't bend time and make it get their quicker. It also took him a week to notify us of a problem.

I'm going to reply politely but I really want to offer to send him a pair of big boy panties at no charge to help him deal with the disappointment.

How would you like to respond to Andrew?

Dear Andrew:

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Help Me With Entitled, Whiny, 20 Something Customer